Man Enough For Me Read online

  Jules waved him away, but even as she walked back down the hallway toward her office, a sick feeling began to rise in the pit of her stomach.

  Was her job in danger?

  Chapter 5

  The news of the changes at the hospital stayed on Jules’s mind for the rest of the week and woke her up early on the weekend. It was only 8:30 a.m. when she stepped into Scarborough Memorial Church. Service wasn’t set to start for another hour, but sometimes Jules liked to get there early so she could sit in the quiet, vacant church. In those moments she felt so close to God that she could feel His physical presence in the pew beside her. It filled her with a sense of peace and assurance she could hardly explain.

  That morning the church was deathly quiet as she walked up the center aisle. In a few hours, every empty row would be filled with men, women, and children dressed to boot in their Saturday best. The wooden rafters would shake from the vibrations of the band, with young George Raymond banging out chords on the old piano like he was the next Ray Charles. Every corner of the room would buzz with the sound of hands clapping, feet tapping, and members singing good old gospel hymns at the top of their lungs.

  Yes, in a few hours you wouldn’t be able to hear a tree fall outside the front door.

  But right at that moment, there was no one but Jules, and God, and the beautiful rays of sunlight stealing through the stained glass window high up on the wall behind the pulpit.

  Jules slipped into a row near the center of the church and sat quietly for a moment. As she closed her eyes, slowly but surely she felt that deep familiar peace fill her being.

  It was a while since she had been here this early. Over the past couple weeks she had been waking up late most Sabbaths, not getting to church until well after 10 a.m. As a result she had missed this peaceful quiet time that used to center her for the week ahead.

  As she sat there in the quiet church, she thought of all the things that had been weighing her down lately. First there was her job. She had always thought if she worked hard enough that she would be fine. It was one of the myths you learned living with a black mother—you grew up thinking that you could achieve anything solely by hard work. Too bad life wasn’t like that. The gossip Derek had shared with her, plus the rumors going around about more staff cuts, had made her seriously wonder how secure her future at the hospital really was. She had thought about mentioning all this to Germaine or the girls, but somehow that would make it a bit too real. It would mean that she was admitting there was a possibility she could lose her job.

  She loved her job and couldn’t imagine doing anything else.

  But sometimes she wondered if she loved it too much. If the Lord asked her to give it up, could she do it? What if he took it away from her?

  And then there was her mom. The more Jules thought about her, the more frustrated she became. If she was honest with herself, she knew part of the reason she had moved away from home was to put enough distance between herself and her mother to keep her sane. It felt like the more she tried to please Momma Jackson, the less Momma Jackson was satisfied.

  “What does she want from me?” Jules asked, her frustration echoing softly across the empty church.

  She sighed. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. A daughter wasn’t supposed to dread talking to her mother, or feel anxious at the thought of having to see her. Even though it made her feel guilty, she sometimes wished she had a mother like Maxine’s, who acted like her best friend, or a mother like Tanya’s, who seemed to adore her.

  But what kind of daughter says bad things about a mother who has taken care of her all her life? Who supported her when her father jumped ship? No one would understand. Maybe she was being selfish. But either way, the more she thought about it the more confused she felt.

  Jules was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn’t see Pastor Thomas walk up the side aisle into her pew.

  “Well, good morning, Jules. I haven’t seen you here this early in a long time.”

  “I haven’t been here this early in a long time. Good morning to you too, Pastor Thomas.”

  Jules loved Pastor Thomas. In fact he was part of the reason she loved Scarborough Memorial and why she found it so hard to part with the church after her mother had moved them away. There was something about this tall, stocky man, with thick, graying hair, deep chocolate skin, and a warm smile, that made her feel right at home. As far back as she could remember he had been her pastor. And when her real dad left, when she was fourteen, he became like a surrogate father to her, and his wife, Sister Thomas, like a second mother.

  Though he and his wife never had children, they always treated the youth at Scarborough Memorial as if each one was their own. Every young person in church knew that if he or she had a problem, he or she could talk to Pastor or Sister Thomas and be sure to receive help without judgment. This made them both very approachable. In Jules’s case they were often more approachable than her own parents.

  “What are you doing here this early?” she asked, as he sat down in the pew beside her.

  “Well, sometimes I like to come in early before the service and sit in my office a bit. Gives me time to think about my message and hear something special God might want me to say.”

  Jules nodded.

  “What about you?”

  She shrugged. “Sort of the same thing I guess. Sometimes this feels like the only place I can really talk to God and feel Him listening.”

  Pastor Thomas nodded in silent understanding.

  “A lot of things on your mind?”

  Like you wouldn’t believe. “Yeah,” Jules said.

  “Hmm.”

  Jules knew he wouldn’t press her to say any more than she felt comfortable sharing, and that was fine with her. Some things needed to stay just between her and God. But there were some things she did want to ask about.

  “Pastor, how do you know God’s will for your life?”

  “Well, a lot of that is in His word,” Pastor Thomas began. “And the more you walk with Him, the more He speaks to your heart and shows you the direction to go.”

  Jules wasn’t quite satisfied.

  “But how do you know?” she persisted. “What if it doesn’t feel right?”

  Pastor Thomas chuckled. “Well, Jules, I think that’s the case for most of us at first.”

  Jules looked up at Pastor Thomas in confusion.

  “Just look at some of the people in the Bible. Jonah, Moses, even some of the disciples. They all were hesitant about following God’s direction in their lives. Some of them didn’t even like what God was asking them to do and tried to escape it.

  “But going outside of God’s will never works for anyone. We only end up with heartache and pain. But when we follow Him we are assured of a successful ending.”

  “I don’t know,” Jules said, thinking about her situation with her mother. “Sometimes you try to do everything you know to be right but things still seem to be going wrong.”

  “No one said it would be easy,” Pastor Thomas continued, placing a reassuring hand on Jules’s shoulder. “But that’s where faith comes in, Jules. We have to trust Him though we can’t see. Trust that He knows what’s best for us.

  “And when you have doubts, you take them all to Him,” Pastor Thomas said.

  Taking her hand into his, Pastor Thomas looked at Jules with kind eyes that reminded her of what she thought a true father’s eyes should look like.

  “If you really want to follow God’s will, Jules, He will lead you right to where He wants you to be,” Pastor Thomas said earnestly. “And you can guarantee that, wherever He leads you, something beautiful will be waiting.”

  Something beautiful.

  Jules liked the sound of that. She could use something beautiful in her life. She thought of Germaine.

  Maybe she was closer to it than she thought.

  Now if only God would do something about her mother.

  “Okay, girl, spill it. I want all the details.”

  “I do
n’t know what you’re talking about,” Jules said, trying to ignore the inquiring looks Maxine and Tanya were shooting her.

  She knew she would have to explain exactly what was going on with her and Germaine eventually, but she was trying to delay the inevitable for as long as possible. In fact she had spent all morning dodging them at church. But as soon as the service was over, they had accosted her.

  At least they had the decency to wait until Germaine left before they started the interrogation. Jules was still a bit surprised that he had even shown up. When she had invited him over the phone the night before, he had mentioned he might be busy. She knew he was pretty involved at his own church, and so she hadn’t expected to see him. But when he slipped into the pew beside her at eleven o’clock, she hadn’t been able to stop the smile that hijacked her face.

  “We’re talking about you and Mr. Hotness getting all chummy. Did you think we didn’t see the two of you sitting together during the service?” Maxine asked.

  “And I know you don’t think we don’t know about all the dates you guys have been on—even though you didn’t tell us about it,” Tanya said in a voice that hinted at feelings of betrayal.

  “Geez, you guys wanna talk a little louder? I don’t think everyone out here heard you,” Jules hissed, looking around the emptying churchyard to see if indeed someone might have been eavesdropping.

  “Girl, please, ain’t nobody listening to you. All these people thinking ‘bout now is their bellies,” Maxine said.

  “And stop trying to change the subject,” Tanya added, as both she and Maxine followed Jules to the far side of the parking lot where Jules’s car was parked.

  Heavy gusts of wind coming up from nearby Lake Ontario whipped at their legs and made walking challenging, but they were so caught up in Jules’s drama they barely noticed.

  “All right,” Jules said, placing her hands on her hips as she stood in front of her car door. “I know you heifers ain’t gonna ease up. But can we at least wait until we get to my place?”

  Jules’s place was a one-bedroom unit on the sixth floor of a Scarborough apartment building. It looked a bit rough on the outside, but inside it was all cream walls and earth-toned furniture. On the walls were several Herbie Rose prints depicting scenes from Caribbean life. They were a tribute to Jules’s own West Indian heritage, and they made her apartment feel a bit more like her grandmother’s house in Jamaica, where she used to spend summers as a little girl.

  As soon as Maxine stepped inside, she sank into Jules’s cream-and-beige-patterned sofa and wrapped her arms around one of the chocolate-colored throw cushions. Instead of following suit, Tanya headed into the kitchen and began helping Jules take out the dishes that held their lunch.

  “Okay. Let’s have it,” Maxine ordered.

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “How about starting with the first date,” Tanya suggested.

  “Wait, is that the lunch date or the night date?” Maxine asked, confused.

  “No, that’s the night date. Lunch wasn’t really a date,” Tanya clarified.

  “You guys don’t need me,” Jules said with a half laugh. “You seem to already have all the details.”

  “Nah, we just have the facts. You have the details,” Tanya said.

  Jules looked back and forth between her two friends who were staring at her expectantly.

  “Okay,” Jules said, sighing as she wiped her wet hands on a dishcloth and leaned back against the kitchen counter. “It was … nice.”

  “Nice,” Maxine repeated, wrinkling her nose disdainfully.

  “Yes, it was nice,” Jules said. She knew they wouldn’t understand. “Come on. You know that every guy I’ve gone out with has always tried to impress me. Take me to some fancy restaurant and flash the Gold Card so I can see that he’s about something. But with Germaine, it’s different. He’s not trying to be flashy, he’s just being himself. It’s … refreshing.”

  Jules told them about the night at Leroy’s, describing how perfect the music, the food, and the entertainment had been. Though she tried to act casual, she couldn’t help the smile that lit up her face at the memory, and Maxine and Tanya couldn’t help but notice.

  “He makes me think about things, you know,” Jules said, trying to explain how she felt when she was with him. “Like where I am in my life, and if I’m where God really wants me to be. He makes me want to be more, you know?”

  “Girl, this man got you turned inside out,” Maxine said, with one eyebrow raised. “No wonder you can’t get that silly look off your face.”

  “Whatever,” Jules said, rolling her eyes. But she knew Maxine was right. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this excited about someone.

  Maxine and Tanya looked at each other and then at Jules, small smiles creeping onto their lips.

  “I think this one’s a keeper, Jules” Maxine said, raising one eyebrow knowingly. “Try not to mess it up.”

  “Yeah, Jules. I’m really happy for you,” Tanya said sincerely.

  Neither Maxine nor Jules missed the hint of sadness in Tanya’s voice, and they watched wordlessly as Tanya busied herself taking out cutlery and setting the table.

  Jules knew Tanya was hurting over ‘Dre. Only this past week he had shown up at the office with what Maxine called his “flavor of the week.” She was another of the many undiscovered artists who seemed so fond of ‘Dre. Her name was Sunshine. They had all cringed every time someone had reason to say it.

  “Okay, I’ve had enough of this,” Maxine said. Jules and Tanya looked at the tiny woman curiously as she got up from the couch and put her hands on her hips. This usually meant Maxine was ready to start something, and that usually meant they all needed to watch out.

  “We can’t sit back anymore and watch ‘Dre mess his life up with these chicken-heads when there is a woman who is perfect for him right in front of his face.”

  “Who?” Tanya asked in confusion.

  “You, you silly girl,” Maxine said. She looked from Jules to Tanya, a mischievous sparkle in her eyes. “We’re gonna set up ‘Dre and Tanya.”

  “What!” Tanya exclaimed with an even mixture of fear and shock. “No!”

  “Yes!” Maxine insisted. “And if this is going to work we’re gonna need your cooperation, so don’t start fighting me now.”

  “Maxine!” Tanya exclaimed.

  “Tanya,” Maxine said, imitating her friend’s tone. “I love you, but, girl, you’re either going to get with ‘Dre or get over ‘Dre. The two of you have been friends for more than five years, and if I have to go through one more year of you pining after him, I’m gonna kill one or both of you.” Maxine took Tanya’s face between her hands. “You are a kind, brilliant, beautiful woman, with a good head on your shoulders, and more booty than I’ve ever seen on a white girl.”

  Jules laughed out loud.

  “Maxine is right, Tanya,” Jules said. “And trust me when I tell you, you’ve been better to ‘Dre than a lot of those other girls have been.”

  “I appreciate what you guys are saying, but I still think this is a bad idea,” Tanya protested.

  But it was too late. Maxine had already made up her mind. As she paced the living room thoughtfully, Jules could already see the wheels turning in her friend’s head.

  “All we have to do is get him to see that Tanya is perfect for him,” she murmured. “A couple orchestrated ‘moments,’ and a few planted suggestions here and there should do the trick.”

  “You know that might just work,” Jules said.

  “Jules! I can’t believe you’re encouraging her,” Tanya exclaimed.

  “We should get Truuth to help,” Jules said, ignoring Tanya. “But what about Sunbeam; don’t you think she will be a problem?”

  “Her name is Sunshine,” Tanya corrected.

  “No, she’s not an issue,” Maxine said dismissively. “Those wannabes always find a way to sabotage themselves. Remember Rochelle?”

  “Oh, yeah,” Jules
said, laughing as she remembered the last girl ‘Dre had been dating. Jules didn’t know all the details because ‘Dre refused to talk about it. But what she did know was that that homegirl had somehow managed to find her way into ‘Dre’s bed, buck naked. Needless to say things had not gone as she had planned. When would these women learn that not every man was motivated solely by his lower region?

  “Maxine, Jules, you can’t do this,” Tanya said in weak desperation.

  “It’s already been done, sweetie,” Maxine said. “I know you two are good for each other, and it’s time you both stopped dancing around the issue.”

  “Come on, Tanya, it won’t be that bad,” Jules said, throwing an arm around her distraught friend’s shoulder. “Worst case scenario, you’ll find out how he really feels about you, and you’ll get some closure.”

  “He won’t even know what’s happening,” Maxine added.

  “How can you be sure of that?” Tanya groaned.

  “Girl, please, it’s ‘Dre,” Jules said.

  Tanya sighed heavily, and Jules instantly knew she and Maxine had won.

  “All right,” Tanya conceded.

  “Yes!” Maxine exclaimed.

  Out of the corner of her eye, Jules saw Tanya shake her head as she watched her friends dance around the kitchen. Tanya had no idea what she was getting herself into.

  Chapter 6

  “Sorry for being late, guys,” Jules said, as she stepped through the door of the office that was home to Triad Entertainment. “My car wouldn’t start, and I had to call Germaine to come pick me up.”

  As if on cue, Germaine stepped in behind her and closed the door quickly to keep out the cold air.

  “It’s raining like crazy out there,” he said, shrugging out of his jacket and hanging it up near the door.

  “I know. I hope this is not how it’s going to look for the rest of the summer,” Tanya said.

  “Well, with Toronto you can never really tell,” Germaine replied.

  It was the end of June, but they had already had heat waves, a cold snap, and torrential rain. Predicting what would come next was impossible, which wasn’t great considering the summer was Triad’s busy season. All they could do was hope for the best, but plan for the worst.