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I look around and see the light blinking on the couch. Thank God for whoever was calling, otherwise I would have left it at home. I hit the green telephone icon on the screen before propping it between my ear and shoulder.

  “Hello?”

  “Carina, it’s Sebastien. I need to see you for lunch.”

  I unlock all three locks and yank the door open. It stopped part way.

  “Sorry, Sebastien, I can’t,” I slide off the chain on the door. “I have work today and with it being two weeks before Christmas, things are just crazy.”

  “I don’t care. This is more important.”

  “To you,” I snap pulling the door open again. “It’s more important to you.”

  “We had an agreement.”

  “No, you and Mother had an agreement. And I am pretty certain it did not include midday meetings.”

  “Should I call her then and tell her how uncooperative you are being? This is not what I signed up for, Carina.”

  “I can’t do this right now.”

  I end the call and pull the door closed behind me, locking all three locks before heading down the hallway. How dare he call me and demand my lunch time? He had barely given me five hours notice. Maybe this was the way things worked where he came from, but I wasn’t having it.

  The phone rings again, and I know without looking that it’s him. I consider ignoring it, but I know the next call after that will be to Cordelia, and I could do without having her be a part of my morning.

  “What?”

  “I’m sorry, Carina.”

  The remorse in Sebastien’s voice takes me by surprise, and I stop in the middle of the hallway.

  “I...I…shouldn’t have spoken to you like that,” he stutters. “I…I know your job is important to you. I’m sorry.”

  I sigh. “It’s okay. But I meant what I said about it being too busy for me to get away.”

  “I know,” he says. “But we have a major meeting with our client and...uh...”

  “Sebastien?”

  “You calm me, okay?”

  “Huh?”

  “I can’t explain it, when you are with me I feel...more...relaxed. I don’t get as...nervous.”

  I can tell he is struggling to admit this to me, but it still seems unbelievable. Sebastien has seemed like nothing but the picture of power, control and confidence every time I see him out in public. Nothing like the stuttering man on the phone right now. It almost makes my heart soften towards him.

  “Sebastien, you are the CEO of one of the most successful consumer brands in the UK and if what I’ve been picking up is right, your move into the US market is looking very promising,” I say. “You know your product, you know your business and you have good market instincts. That’s what has brought you this far. Don’t doubt yourself. You’ve already got this.”

  “See?” He lets out a breath. “How do you do that? How do you make me feel like I can do anything in just moments?”

  I glance at my watch. “I don’t know. All I do is tell you truth. Stuff you already know.”

  “And sometimes I just need to hear that. Come on, Carina, just two hours. Can’t you tell them you have an appointment or something?”

  The desperation in his voice is doing something to me I don’t like.

  I take a deep breath. “Okay, but I can only give you an hour and a half max.”

  I tell him where to pick me up before ending the call and running back to my apartment to grab a dress, make-up and my bag of tricks. I will have to take a cab to work this morning.

  The angels must be on my side, because I still manage to make it to work on time and before Dutch. I am sitting at my desk trying to get through as much of my workload as I can when he walks past.

  “Morning, Carrie.”

  I look up and catch his bright smile.

  “Hey.” I pause from my typing. “You’re in a good mood today.”

  He stops and leans against my desk. “I put my tree up this weekend. Then my niece and nephew came over and helped put up all the lights and ornaments.”

  “Oh, so you got to play all weekend,” I tease.

  Dutch grins. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. I love having those kids around.”

  “You might not say the same if they were yours,” I warn.

  Dutch rubs the goatee at his chin thoughtfully. “I don’t think so. In fact, the more time I spend with them, the more I know that I want to have lots of kids. It seems like the most natural thing in the world. Don’t you?”

  My heart constricts in my chest, and it hurts to breathe. I force a smile though I can’t meet his eyes.

  “Yeah, I do,” I say. “But only if I can make that child’s life better than mine.”

  Dutch shrugs. “I guess all parents want that for their children. But don’t knock your experiences. God allows us all to go through both good and bad. And it all helps to grow us, make us stronger, and shape us into the persons we are meant to be. Even for me, sometimes growing up the way I did was hard, all the health issues and hospital visits I had as a teenager made things rough, but I think it helped make me stronger, taught me that life was too short to waste it settling for less.”

  I nod. “I can see that. Some experiences though, no one should have to go through.”

  He stares at me for a long time, and I almost wish I could take back my words.

  “We’ve known each other for years, Care, but sometimes I get the feeling there’s a lot about you I don’t know.”

  He has no idea.

  “Listen, before you go, I have an appointment during lunch and I’m going to be a bit longer than usual,” I say. “But I’ll make it up on the other end after work.”

  “Sure,” Dutch waves his hand. “Take all the time you need. I have a lunch meeting anyway, so I’ll be out for awhile myself.”

  “Okay.” I was already back at my screen. I had a lot to do before lunchtime.

  Sebastien’s car service is already at the front door by the time I exit the lobby level bathroom in my new dress and longer hair than I had arrived at work with. I slip into the backseat and finish my makeup as the car pulls off, all the time wondering what Sebastien is going to be like with me after this morning’s phone call. I don’t wonder for long.

  “Carina!”

  I turn towards the sound of my name and find Sebastien walking across the hotel lobby towards me. He kisses me on the cheek and grabs my fingers tightly.

  “Thank you so much for coming.” I can feel the nerves radiating off of him.

  “Hey, are you okay?” I place a hand on his chest to discreetly stop him before we head towards the group waiting.

  His eyes glance around before finally meeting mine. He cocks a nervous grin. “I’ve been better.”

  “Is today a big deal?”

  “Today we sign a two-billion-dollar contract arranging distribution throughout the USA. With this agreement, I am putting forty percent of my company into someone else’s hands.”

  I nod. “I see why you are nervous.”

  He lets out a breath. “Yeah.”

  “But listen,” I touch his cheek to make him look me in the eye. “It will be fine. You have gone over this for months. This is just the final piece. And you know what you’re doing. You’re a smart, powerful businessman, and these men are nothing but grateful to be in business with you. So, you’re going to walk over there with the confidence of knowing that you already have this in control. Got it?”

  He nods and smiles. “Got it.”

  I tip up and place a short kiss on his lips. “Good. Let’s go.”

  With his hand firmly around mine, I put on my best smile as we walk over to join his group. And then I freeze.

  “Are we all here?” Sebastien looks around.

  “I think so,” a heavy-set man with graying temples nods. “I think you know everyone here, except one. Sebastien Barden, please meet the head of my marketing and advertising company, Dutch Haverford.”

  I watch the color drain from Dutch’s fac
e as his eyes meet mine.

  Someone kill me now, because my life is officially over.

  Chapter 10

  Sebastien reaches out his hand to Dutch, but Dutch is too busy staring at me, which I know because I am in a similar state of shock. It doesn’t take long for self preservation to kick in, however. I raise my eyebrow at Dutch and tilt my head slightly towards Sebastien.

  “Good to meet you,” Dutch finally grasps Sebastien’s hand as he meets the man’s eyes.

  “Please allow me to introduce my beautiful companion in the US, Miss Carina Bell.” Sebastien smiles down at me. “Carina has made my time in the US a lot more relaxing than I thought it would be.”

  “I actually know Miss...Bell.” Dutch smiles tightly. “She works in my office.”

  Thanks, Dutch. Go ahead and put my business in the street.

  “Ahh, look at that,” Sebastien glances at me, eyebrow lifted. “Such a small world.”

  I make my lips stretch into a smile. “Indeed.”

  “Well, gentlemen, shall we?” Sebastien motions towards the door. Whatever nerves had overtaken him before appear to be completely gone as he tucks my hand into the crook of his arm and leads us into the dining area. Or maybe he just gave them to me. I think I’m gonna throw up.

  “Your boss is very surprised to see you,” he whispers as he pulls out my chair.

  “That makes two of us.”

  His arms rest on my shoulders as I sit. “Will this be awkward?”

  I look up at him and do some Oscar worthy acting. “Not for me.”

  I need a drink. Something to steady my hands which are shaking in my lap.

  Dutch is here.

  He is in my meeting. And my two worlds, which I have worked so hard to keep separate are starting to collide.

  Okay, keep it together, Carrie. Remember Cordelia’s number one rule: always keep the client happy - no matter what. If I want her to stick to our deal, I better make sure Sebastien has the time of his life, even if it ends mine. What am I talking about? Dutch knows I am Carina Bell. And even if he doesn’t know who Carina Bell is, one Google search will enlighten him. I am already dead.

  As the waiter comes around, I sit quietly and keep the smile frozen on my face. I have been to a dozen of these before where I was the only woman in the room. My job is to smile occasionally, squeeze Sebastien’s thigh when he needs a boost and keep my mouth shut. No one cares about what I have to say.

  “Don’t you agree, Miss Bell?”

  What? Why is Dutch talking to me? Doesn’t he know no one talks to the women at these things?

  I look across at my boss whose eyes I have been successfully ignoring until this moment. I scan my mind for the last few moments of the conversation.

  “I don’t think so,” I respond. “New Yorkers love their beer. It goes with every occasion. With the right marketing, we can make Stonebrook a household name. Plus, if we are able to slip in a Superbowl ad, appeal to the British transplants in the city and offer local bars discounts and incentives for putting it on tap, we might really build a name in the US market.”

  “Wow, brains and beauty,” Ben chuckles. “Bet you didn’t know all you were getting, Barden.”

  Sebastien looks over at me, a little wide-eyed. “I didn’t, but I can’t say I’m disappointed.”

  Everyone except Dutch chuckles. And while they are, I shoot him a look that warns him to cut it out. He drops his eyes, and I know I have been understood.

  I let Sebastien order for me and manage to enjoy a few bites of my chicken parmesan. I could have been eating dirt and the taste would have registered the same. I am stuck between two men who could ruin my life. My brain can’t waste thinking energy on taste buds right now.

  A discreet glance at my watch tells me I have lived through the slowest hour of my life. Thirty minutes to go. Less if someone starts pulling out documents. I know enough to know that I don’t need to stick around for the whole show. Sebastien seems perfectly in his element anyway, so my mission for the afternoon is more or less achieved.

  As if hearing my thoughts, the waiter comes by and starts clearing all the lunch plates. Ben, the man with the graying temples and the one steering this whole endeavor, seems ready to get down to business also. When the first folder hits the table, I grab my purse.

  “You’ve got this under control,” I whisper in Sebastien’s ear. “I’m gonna go.”

  He leans closer. “Thank you, for everything.”

  I smile and give him the slightest nod before standing, prompting the other men at the table to do the same.

  “Gentlemen, it was a pleasure dining with you. Unfortunately, I must ask you to excuse me.”

  “Of course. It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss Bell,” Ben says with a slight bow of the head.

  “The pleasure was all mine.” I turn to my boss. “Mr. Haverford.”

  He nods, and I return the action.

  “I’ll see you later, darling.” Sebastien squeezes my hand as he leans close and kisses my cheek.

  “Of course.”

  I nod again at the group before moving away from the table towards the exit. Sweat beads my temple as I walk away, feeling the heat of eyes on my back. I make it through the restaurant doors and the lobby to the bathroom near the front desk. Then I lose my lunch.

  Chapter 11

  “Dutch’s door is still closed?”

  “Yup.”

  “How long’s it been?”

  “Three days and five and a half hours,” I say, my eyes still on my computer screen.

  Morgan drops into the chair beside my desk. “He must be really mad at you. He never keeps that door closed.”

  Morgan is stating the obvious. I know Dutch is upset. I just didn’t know how upset, and I am too afraid to ask.

  Morgan crouches down on the floor behind my chair trying to peek under Dutch’s door.

  “Girl, get up,” I hiss. “Anybody passing by is going to think you’re crazy.”

  “Girl, I think he’s in there pacing,” Morgan gets off her knees. “What did you do?”

  You mean other than screw up my entire life?

  “Nothing.”

  “Well, he sure doesn’t think so.”

  “Oh for goodness sake.” I get up out of my chair. “This is ridiculous.”

  “Where are you going?” Morgan grabs my arm.

  “To get to the bottom of this.”

  If I don’t say something, who knows how long Dutch will stay behind that door sulking. He has barely said two words to me since he came back into the office after that lunch last Friday and found me looking like myself again. He certainly hadn’t looked at me, which is pretty impressive given that he is my boss and gives me direction every day. If this is going to be resolved, I guess it is up to me to do it.

  “Good luck!” Morgan calls after me. “If you’re not here after work, I’m calling the police.”

  I knock lightly and wait for his invite before sliding inside and closing the door behind me. He looks up and stops mid-pace.

  “Carrie.”

  “We need to talk.”

  His hands go into his pockets. “Okay.”

  “Look, I know last Friday was a little awkward, but it’s Wednesday, Dutch. Whatever is bothering you, just say it, cause we can’t be productive around here if you can’t even look at me.”

  I watch his jaw tense and relax. He rubs a hand over his chin, then sticks it back into his pocket.

  “Dutch...”

  “I was just a little...surprised to see you with that man, okay?” He spits the words out as if they taste bad in his mouth. “And what’s with the Carina Bell business? You didn’t even look like yourself.”

  “My name is Carina Bishop Bell. Carrie for short. I only use Bell with people who know me through my foster mother. But all my legal documents say Bishop. As for Sebastien,” I shrug. “He’s just someone I’m seeing, Dutch. I met him through my mother. I don’t get why it’s a big deal. Is it the conflict of interest thing
? Cause we never talked

  about anything related to him being in business with Ben. Furthermore, his business with Ben had nothing to do with Prism before that meeting.”

  “I know.”

  “...I have never even mentioned to him that I work here before that.”

  “I didn’t think you had.”

  “...And I told you I had a lunch meeting and I would be back late.”

  “I know.”

  “Then what’s the problem?” I throw my arms up. “Why are you so ticked off about this?”

  He grits his teeth and glares at the wall. “I am not ticked off.”

  “Really?” I fold my arms. “Cause even though we’re having this conversation, you still haven’t looked me in the eye.”

  I watch his shoulders tense, his jawline square before he slowly turns his eyes to meet mine. I almost wished he hadn’t.

  “Dutch...” The accusation in his eyes, the disgust. It is that look I fear the most. It is the look a woman like me gets the morning after as I pick up my clothes off the floor and leave through the back door. It is the look I get from women at events who somehow know who I am and what I do and can’t stand the sight of me. It’s the look I see in the mirror sometimes.

  But seeing it on Dutch... Somehow, it cuts at me in a way it never has before.

  “He’s married, Carrie.”

  Shame fills my nostrils, blocking up my lungs. I can’t breathe.

  “Married with two kids,” Dutch continues, his eyes cutting through me. “Did he tell you that? Did you even care? Cause from the way you looked that day...the hair, the makeup, the clothes...you seemed to be on an agenda of your own.”

  For all the things Cordelia had done poorly as a mother figure, there is one thing she taught me to do very well - compartmentalize the emotion so you could deal with the situation in front of you. If you were emotional, you said things you would regret, did things that didn’t work in your interest and generally made costly mistakes. But if you could put aside how you feel just for a moment and handle the situation with objectivity, then you could walk away from anything with the upper hand.

  I step back and draw a deep breath.

  “Mr. Haverford, what I do on my personal time, away from this company is my business. My relationships outside these walls, regardless of their nature, are my business. And I would prefer not to discuss it.” I smooth out my skirt and turn to go. “If you’ll excuse me...”